Ever since the second grade, I've been taught the importance of setting goals. Of course at first I didn't really understand the concept and when asked to write down three goals, wrote down three different friends I wanted to play with that afternoon. But as I got older and various 'adults' thought it was their place to 'guide' me through adolescence, they started asking me for more specific goals. "What college do you want to go to? When will you graduate? What are you gonna do with that major?" Usually I would make up the answers as I went along, but then I started asking myself similar types of questions. "When are you going to get your life 'together'? When are you gonna loose the weight? When are you going to be more social?" And so I set goals to answer them.
I decided to be more fit and forced myself to go to the gym every other day even though I spent the whole time brutally comparing myself to everyone else in the room. I forced myself to go out on Saturday nights even when I wanted to stay in and I forced myself to decorate my resume with fancy part-time internships that I had no interest in. And guess what! None of it worked! All that I accomplished was a cyclical funnel of anger and resentment for not achieving my goals. The more I pushed myself, the less progress I made and the less progress I made, the more I pushed myself.
But the goals weren't the problem -- it was the lens I was looking at them through. Goals carry promises of a better life, maybe a life where you're more fit or more intelligent or more compassionate. And while these values are inherently positive, the mind often likes to mutate them into something detrimental. We can easily start to cling on to an image of a better version of ourselves, creating a constant need to be improving and outdoing.
We start to expect these goals from ourselves and, if we don't meet these expectations, we get upset, sometimes even violent, trying to make these goals and expectations happen. So how do we set goals and seek to live fulfilling lives without getting caught in this mind trap? Ahimsa.
Ahimsa is a Sanskrit word which refers to nonviolence towards all living beings, including yourself. While a literal interpretation of ahimsa instructs us to not cause any physical harm, the word's true power is in the mind. Ahimsa seeks to reject negative thoughts and speech towards others and towards ourselves, resulting in a more peaceful and harmonious mindset. When we act from a space of ahimsa, we can pursue our goals and aspirations without becoming exhausted, stressed, or angry. We can find progress through peace.
The moment that I decided to work with myself instead of against myself, I found the progress I was struggling for. I decided that going to the gym and doing intense cardio sessions weren't for me. I felt out of breath the whole time and would feel very short-tempered for the rest of the day. So I stopped going and committed myself to an alternative that I loved -- yoga. I decided that I didn't need to be the person with a stacked resume and a business casual lifestyle. It caused my mind to become more competitive and comparing and it didn't make me happy. I decided to stop fighting myself. And when I did, I became more healthy and more confident in my career path and more at peace.
We are taught that transforming yourself and your lifestyle should be challenging, but we sometimes exaggerate how great this challenge should be. Yes, progress isn't easy and takes dedication but when that desire for progress becomes a struggle, or even violent, you just end up going backwards. But loosening your grip can sometimes feel counterintuitive. When we want something, we naturally want to control the change, to force it to happen on our terms. Releasing this control and inviting ahimsa in doesn't come naturally to most us (it definitely didn't for me) and requires a reassessment of your goals, your intentions, and your actions to weed out any violent mind chatter or behaviors.
Integrate: One of the best places to start practicing ahimsa is on your mat. It's easy to compare yourself to others and wonder why your practice doesn't look like theirs. It's easy to set a goal to nail that crow pose or forearm stand and feel disappointed when it takes a little bit longer than you thought it would. It's easy to get really frustrated and start to slip into violent thought patterns. Or you could accept the challenge while remembering ahimsa.
Instead of forcing yourself into a posture you body doesn't feel open for yet, practice postures that create more strength and flexibility where you need it. This will challenge the body, move you closer to your goal, but keep the body safe and the mind cool.
Instead of always seeking out the most vigorous flow or dramatic posture, first ask yourself why you want to move in this way. Is it because a more dynamic practice will feel better in your body or because it will feel better in your ego?
Instead of forcing the mind to be quiet and still during meditation, try giving it some permission to roam. You'll probably find that you feel less frustrated and can actually get a little deeper into your meditation.
View your yoga practice as a process, rather than as a checklist. No matter how long you've been practicing, yoga isn't something that can be accomplished. There will always be more to learn as your life evolves.
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